i get it…why people turn to alcohol in the face of unspeakable pain…or why they pack up and leave for someplace else, with no plans to return for a long, long time. you escape somehow; you let the darkness overtake you and the demons welcome you into their embrace. because let’s face it: some days sobriety sucks. and those days are the ones that drag by…this week is the one that passes in agonizing slowness…and sobriety does suck.
when i choose to feel my pain…or when it just damn well overtakes me…i’m nowhere different than i was three years ago. they say it gets better with time, and maybe in some ways it has. in others, though…no. not one bit. if i could sleep straight through this season (the one that, ironically, gives birth to new life all around us in nature) and wake up when it’s over, i’d be ok with that. but then, the pain would still be there, like it always is. there’s no way around it; there’s no way to avoid it. there is only the way through it. this is my everest. and i haven’t yet reached the summit.