I must have said this before…

I stayed home from church Sunday.


Skipped it.

It was Mother’s Day. One of the quintessential Hallmark and FTD holidays. And I refused to be a part of the celebration at church. Because quite frankly the place that should hold refuge for people in pain forces them to bury it deep down and never let the proverbial Pandora’s box open again.

I would like to remind everyone that there are people who ABHOR Mother’s Day.

These are the women who have lost children, who want to be mothers and, for whatever reason, cannot, the women who have chosen NOT to have children (let’s not treat them like they have a third eye sprouting out of their head, people), the men and women who have lost their mother, the people who don’t have a good relationship with their mother, the men who want their wives to become mothers as much as their wives do…basically, Mother’s Day is great for those mothers who have good relationships with their children and those children who have good relationships with their mothers.

Don’t get me wrong…I think honoring mothers is great. But for those of us for whom that is a painful day, it really is agony to go out in public. Even my yoga teacher on SATURDAY brought up Mother’s Day and wished the mothers in the room a happy day and reminded all of us that we all have mothers somewhere and to honor them at some point during the weekend. Maybe one day I will absorb such remarks with my own interpretation. For now, I hear it as it’s intended and I DON’T LIKE IT.

I did honor my mom this weekend. I honored her with flowers–purple irises, one of which very fittingly bloomed on Sunday. She always got excited when her irises bloomed in the back yard.
The time I would have spent at church was spent in my nook, doing some things to continue to work through my grief. Yes, four years later, I’m still working.

The rest of the day was spent with my husband, father and my parents-in-law. Al made reservations for the brunch at Bogart’s, which I always enjoy. For me, it was a celebration of the end of my first year in the Ph.D. program. I didn’t even utter the words “Happy Mother’s Day,” and I wasn’t thrilled about having to sign a card for someone else’s mother.

But I did see Iron Man, and that was a nice escape.

I just want to remind all the minister-types who read this that Mother’s Day, and, for that matter, Father’s Day, needs a MASSIVE overhaul if it’s to continue to be observed in the church. Some time in the very near future, I plan to write a note to my pastor and minister of music to remind them that it is a painful day, for probably more than most, and that we need to be sensitive to that fact. Because for those of us who have lost mothers, or in some other way fall into any of the other categories I mentioned above, Mother’s Day SUCKS.

Perhaps I’ll even compose a litany for such an occasion…


2 thoughts on “I must have said this before…

  1. We should discuss the spiritual implications of Iron Man! I think there are some spiritual themes present. Much better than churches on mother’s day. I would have thought, being that the churches always have that uncomfortable moment when asking the oldest and youngest mother to be recognized (Oooo.. what teen got knocked up this year….Scandalous), that they would have done away with it.

    To me mother’s day is more about children celebrating their mothers…as a family. Hmmmm… I’m sure I meant to put devote a whole worship service to it in there somewhere?? Did I not fit it in? oh well?

    I can understand the people wanting to celebrate it (goes back to that whole “family values” aspect of the church)… but let’s celebrate Mother God!!!! give “her” at least one Sunday a year!

    another example of how culture has seeped into Christianity…right behind the American flag! I like your litany Idea. I would like to read it.

    Just had a title pop into my head for a mother’s day service (sermon title?)
    “The mother who was, is, and always will be” eh?
    if you like it, I haven’t copyrighted it yet:)

    glad to see “finding my own way out” popping back up on my reader. Happy day!


  2. I have composed a hymn for the occasion-I will share it with you sometime- It is on the way to be a number one song on the liberal radio charts. I feel sure I will be fired but hey maybe they will surprise me. I doubt it-

    Love the mother god idea! That would be most excellent-

    Loving you and feel so much closer to you just by reading your thoughts-

    I miss living with you and hearing them firsthand-

    You are simply the best-In every category ever created and some that haven’t been written yet.

    love you so much!

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