Losing my muchness

When the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp’s) looked at Alice and said “You’ve lost your muchness. You used to be much…muchier,” I resonated.

I used to be much muchier too. But I seem to have lost my muchness.

Chalk it up to the time of year. I don’t do well starting about March 1 until after Mother’s Day. That part hasn’t changed or really gotten any better.

Chalk it up to the 60 hour work weeks and this semester from hell…which may not kill me outright, but it will damn sure test my mettle.

Chalk it up to the revolving door that is my semester and the feeling that I work all the time but never get anything out the door…because when Monday rolls around, there it all is–all over again.

Chalk it up to being 3 months into my thirties and the feeling that my life is a run away train and I can’t hop on long enough to enjoy the ride. (Cue Ben Folds’ Still Fighting It)

Chalk it up to being the mother of a child who is a 7 year old, a 10 year old and a 15 year old all rolled up into one 5 foot 2(???) body who has a ton of needs when it comes to school. And have I mentioned that he’s not motivated? Right. He’s 15.

Chalk it up to feeling the weight of being the mom–which I am at the end of the day–like it or not. And there’ s no changing that.

Chalk it up to feeling the weight of all of these things…and having Queen sing I want to break free in the back of your head. It’s no wonder I’ve wanted to go to Colorado or Big Sky or the Pacific Northwest. It’s big and open and there are no demands of me there.

Call it what you will…I used to be much muchier.

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